guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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