I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm at about main and main street
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
