my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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