I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
