But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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