just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize