So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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