he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
