My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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