dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
