i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
