I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
