i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
