i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
