it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
