my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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