didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The Olympian is in my bed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
