Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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