i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do vagina's smell?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
