I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
