I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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