I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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