so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
