You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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