You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize