How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
