and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
