i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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