We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
