Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
