The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
