So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
