She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize