Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
