So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
