Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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