I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im holly from the hills drunk
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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