Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
