I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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