hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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