I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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