The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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