Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
