I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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