Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
