Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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