I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
