So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
