Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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