He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
