Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
