don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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