This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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