Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize