god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
