the condom got lost in my hair
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
