Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
