the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
