party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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