i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
