1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so let's talk penis.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
