If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
