My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
