Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
