Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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