By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
