we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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