Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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