You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
