my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
