found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
