Your favorite bartender is back from prision
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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