I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
