Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
MIDGETS
????
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
