Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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