Your face is a jimmy john
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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