you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
