So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
