Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
