Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
