You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
