I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
