this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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