I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
