she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
