Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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