So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
