Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
